


Three Times LaFontaine Saves the Day and One Time They Don't

by fireflyeskies



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2472347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflyeskies/pseuds/fireflyeskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lafontaine and Laura are a menace, to both themselves and society at large. If it's late night trips to the library one day then it's an interview with the unfriendly neighborhood troll the next, all of which just about always end up in disaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Times LaFontaine Saves the Day and One Time They Don't

Lafontaine and Laura are a menace, to both themselves and society at large. If it's late night trips to the library one day then it's an interview with the unfriendly neighborhood troll the next, all of which just about always end up in disaster. Thankfully, they are both just about capable of dragging themselves out of the fire each and every time (quite literally that one time with the nest of baby chimeras). By some bizarre twist of fate they always just about get out alive and with all vital extremities intact save for a little wounded pride here and there.

**I.**

Lafontaine can admit that the incident with the library was actually their idea, and by extension their fault (but hey Perry we got out totally fine in the end right?). Even with the flaming vortex and the disappearing staircases and whatever that thing was skittering around in the shadows which Laf really kind of wishes they could have gotten a look at. For science, obvs.

The library incident was, well, if not entirely successful as it could have been it also wasn’t a complete and utter failure either. They managed to get what they came for in the first place and then jump out of a window not a second too late. And fashioning a DIY flamethrower with nothing but mace and a lighter was really kind of cool, how many people can say they’ve done that? Well, people who don’t live at Silas anyway.

Point is, they got out, they survived the fiery clutches of the library after dark and lived to see another day of reckless adventuring. The post-adventure telling off was not nearly as fun but still, they lived to tell the tale.

**II.**

Laura will admit that the one time with the hooded figures was entirely her fault. She’d been nearing the end of one very, very long eighteen hour workday and had just popped back to one of the lecture halls to look for a textbook she’d left behind. No big deal right, only a few minutes what’s the problem it was barely even six o’ clock yet. How was she to know that it was also the one and only night of the year in which the Hooded Figures held a march across campus? Coming from who knows where and going to who even cares where.

So when she came running out of the Arts building, textbook under one arm and thanking her lucky stars that there had been nothing _inside_ the building that wanted to eat her only to run headlong into a procession of tall dark figures in black cloaks, she screamed. Loudly. And every single dark shape in the courtyard stopped, fell silent and turned their cloaked heads horrifyingly slowly to face her.

Yes, Laura will admit that that one was _entirely_ her fault and so when she found herself huddled behind a cluster of trees round near the science block, desperately trying to stay quiet the first person she thought to call was Lafontaine. With Danny busy for the weekend on some hush-hush Summer Society thing and Carmilla being about as much use as a chocolate teapot because she never answered her damn phone, Laf was first call.

Ten minutes later and Lafontaine turned up with an only barely concealed grin and a “What the fuck are you like Hollis”, armed with two black bed sheets (stolen from Carmilla for god’s sake Laura don’t you ever tell her where I got them okay?). Another twenty minutes of creeping across campus under the sheets and trying to look as tall and intimidating as possible (and failing dramatically) and they were home and dry back in Laura’s dorm room, falling about and giggling like children at the whole thing until Perry marched in fuming and demanding answers. An all-round pretty standard adventure really.

**III.**

The third time Lafontaine pulls them out of the fire it’s in a less literal sense than some of their previous escapades but is still a nerve wracking experience all the same. Ever since Laura stumbled upon a labyrinthine set of tunnels that ran the length of the Sciences buildings and told Lafontaine about them, they’d been clandestinely planning to go and take a second look at them sometime when their girlfriends weren’t around to stop them.

They spent the best part of a whole Saturday afternoon crawling around on hands and knees through the seemingly never-ending subterranean warrens beneath the university, Laura with one hand balancing her camcorder and a flashlight gripped between her teeth. Lafontaine was scrabbling around somewhere a few feet behind her, hastily sketching out the rough outline of a map as they went.

Why did they feel the need to be creating a map of a bunch of tunnels that nobody really knew existed anyway? Because they’re Laura and Lafontaine, Silas University’s resident Pinky and the Brain starring in their very own buddy detective movie. And because it’s a Saturday and they were bored.

Despite Lafontaine’s wild conspiracy theories and insistence that there was some kind of monster that lived down here Laura was having none of it. Which really says something for Laura’s incredible powers of deniability because this is Silas. If there’s a dark creepy corner somewhere that reeks of something out of a horror B-movie then you can bet your ass that something equally dark and creepy lives there.

Which is why, when the two of them round a corner and fall face first into a vast cavern and get up only to come face to face with the snarling maw (scratch that _three_ snarling maws) of a giant dog,  Lafontaine isn’t even surprised. Really, this kind of thing has become about as routine as their weekly movie nights now, running away screaming from some unknown peril is kind of their thing.

In a stroke of genius Lafontaine grabbed the flashlight from Laura’s mouth and lobbed it as hard as their biologist’s arms would allow past the dog’s head(s) and then got a hold of Laura and booked it in the opposite direction. All the while ignoring Laura's protests “Goddammit Laf I am not some damsel that needs saving! I know Krav Maga!”

“Yeah? Be my guest and karate chop all three of its heads at once then!”

Another ten minutes of frantically scrambling back through the tunnels, Lafontaine’s map actually coming in handy now, and they were back above ground and whilst shaken, thankfully not dead. It was wordlessly agreed that neither Perry or Danny and Carmilla needed to be told about the dog and if asked they would claim that they’d spent the afternoon hiking or rock climbing in the woods or something. Definitely not crawling around the underground dungeons of Silas and almost being eaten.

**IV.**

The one and only time that Lafontaine fails to play dashing hero and save the day is also the day that they agree with Laura that perhaps the life-threatening adventures need to be toned down a little.

Messing with the Alchemy Club is a bad idea, everyone knows that. Not because they’re particularly dangerous or anything, most of them look like they’d having trouble fighting their way out of a paper bag, but because they experiment with some pretty dangerous stuff. If there’s any chance at all that it might spontaneously combust or it makes a strange noise when you poke it then chances are that it came from the Alchemy guys.

But Lafontaine is working on an especially complicated experiment involving acids and the particulars of how different types react with basilisk venom (“And seriously Lafontaine how did you even get that?” “Shh Perr, don’t worry about it”) and said acids can only be found in the Alchemy Club’s private stores. Which is how Pinky and the Brain found themselves breaking into the Alchemy labs in the dead of night armed with a frying pan, a baseball bat and insatiable reserves of blind curiosity.

It looks all good at first, the labs are empty and there are no strange noises emanating from anywhere deep in the dark recesses of the room, which is always a reassuring sign. Lafontaine quickly locates the storeroom that has all the supplies that they’re looking for and after a brief sweep to make sure they haven’t left anything incriminating behind them they turn to leave. And find the exit blocked by a dragon.

Oh yeah, an honest to gods dragon. Complete with huge wings, a set of teeth that look longer than Lafontaine’s arms and oh, oh yep it breathes fire too. Here we go again, running for our lives with another monstrous beast hot on our tails (“Remind me why we keep doing this Laura?” “Shut up!”). They manage to narrowly avoid every jet of fire aimed at their backsides and keep the beast chasing them until they’re out of the labs and cowering behind a fountain in the courtyard. They stay rooted to the spot while the dragon prowls the yard looking for them until the sound of heavy footfalls starts to head in the other direction.

They both breathe out a simultaneous sigh of relief and Laura starts laughing a touch hysterically until they’re both a mess of giggles. Just as they’re preparing to risk making a break for it Lafontaine realizes that the bag containing the precious chemicals is no longer with them but is lying halfway across the courtyard instead. With a muttered curse they get up to go and retrieve it.

Stupid move really. A really, really stupid move.

Lafontaine feels the blow before they see it and is sent careening across the cobbles and into a wall. When the spots in front of their eyes clear enough to see, everything is foggy and something appears to be exploding. Again. Laura rushes over and pulls them up groaning and sputtering from the ground, clutching at another fucking bleeding head wound. Seriously, one more and they’re pretty sure there’s gonna be a genuine risk of lasting brain damage.

Looking around at the chaos there appears to be a small group taking on the dragon. Someone that can only be Danny towering above the others with crossbow in hand and a set of leather pants armed with a sword that can only be Carmilla are facing the beast head on. Everything goes fuzzy for a second and then there’s an almighty thundering boom of an explosion and they’re thrown back flat on their asses again.

Everything goes quiet, the dust settles and the smoke clears and there stands...Perry? Yup, definitely Perry. Who also happens to be glaring straight at the two of them where they're still sprawled out on the ground and looking seven shades of livid. Fuck. Scratch that, there aren’t enough numbers in existence to describe accurately how pissed Perry looks.

The dragon is lying somewhere behind her, still and silent and very, very dead by the looks of things. Which is just testament to why it is exactly that you should never, _ever_ piss Lola Perry off. Because you will end up like Mr. Dead As A Doorknob McDead over there.

Perry is marching towards them radiating anger and practically steaming at the ears and now would actually be a really good time to run. Which Laura does, mouthing sorry with a wince before backing away to where her own girlfriends are looking at the dead dragon with no small amount of amazement at just how dead it is. Lafontaine wishes they could take on the dragon again instead, gulps and braces for the onslaught.

"LAFONTAINE! What in _hell_ did you think you were _doing_! You could have been killed you stupid idiots. How many times is this- I swear- You-" her voice cracks and breaks and Lafontaine can practically see the rage dissipating only to be replaced by something that looks horribly like tears. Lafontaine cracks just a little bit along with her because if there has ever been one single solitary weakness in Laf’s life it is the sight of Lola Perry crying.

Because Perry doesn’t break down, not in front of anyone but Laf anyway. So when she does, that, that is when you know that shit just got real. Because Perry is a person just like the rest of them, a living breathing being who loves and laughs and feels just like any other. But so often do they all forget this, because Perry is the mother hen to so many of them, they forget.

Perry is the one who consoles them when they cry or when they're angry, the one to make the tea and promise it'll all be okay. Perry is the one looking after the other girls on their floor, the one to gently force a glass of water on everyone who comes home blind drunk after one too many on a Friday night. Perry's the one getting rid of the creeps at girls doors who just won't take no for a goddamn answer. She looks after all of them, takes care and makes sure that the absolute insanity of Silas University doesn't trample anybody who just can't hack it every now and then. But in the course of it all, it can often end up taken for granted.

“Oh Perr no, c’mere” Lafontaine says, reaching out with hands that are only _slightly_ covered in blood and scorch marks.

“No don’t. I can’t keep doing this, you could’ve died, Laf, you could have _died._ ”

“No, no, we had it all under control Perr, me and Laura are totally good at this right? Laura knows martial arts and everything” Lafontaine says, doing the absolute level best to stop the tears that are still welling up in Perry’s eyes.

“It was a _dragon_ , what were you going to do? High kick it?”

Oh no, okay that didn’t work, definitely still crying and with every sob Lafontaine is pretty sure they can actually feel their heart slipping lower and lower in their chest. Because they did this, the two of them and their ridiculous faux-action-hero exploits and it starts to sink in that maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t kill them to just calm it down a little. In fact it would probably do quite the opposite.

“Hey look at me, Lola look” Lafontaine hooks one finger under Perry’s jaw to force her eyes up “We’ll stop okay? Well, maybe not stop but – wait no listen. We’ll be more careful yeah? No more weekly brushes with death” they say earnestly, silently praying to a god they don’t even believe in that it’s what Perry needs to hear. That it will stop the tears.

“Promise?”

“Promise”

Perry finally gives a watery smile and nods before throwing her arms around Laf’s shoulders and proceeding to crush the ever-loving life out of them with a hug as only Perry can. For once Lafontaine doesn’t tease or mutter anything about the possibility of broken ribs if Perry doesn’t let go and just holds on every bit as tight.

As much as playing at intrepid adventurer with Laura is fun, upsetting Perry is not, so they meant every bit of the promise. They’d tone it down, perhaps not stop per se because everyone needs a healthy dose of danger in their lives (or least Laf and Laura apparently do anyway) but no more reckless antics that could quite possibly get them killed one of these days. If not by dragons or trolls or giant dogs then by Perry for sure.

“I hate you” Perry murmurs into the crook of Laf’s neck in a tone that implies anything but.

“I hate you too”


End file.
